Living with Neurodivergence

Over the next few months I tried to do what I could with the money I had. Which was about 142 pounds every 2 weeks by now. I was still paying off tax credits. I checked it every now and then to see where it was but it was quite difficult to speak to someone who knew and I’d just get passed about. I found something on at the church 15 minutes down the road from me that gave out free food on a Friday morning. It wasn’t a food bank, it was just surplus food that people didn’t buy from Tesco. I went every week. There was some older people that tended to go and some immigrants sometimes. It was first come first served so you had to turn up early. Sometimes I’d get quite a bit of bread and bagels and maybe a cake and other weeks it was just some vegetables for soup. I wasn’t fighting for food though so when it got a bit competitive I just turned up 10 minutes later when they had all been. I usually still got something. It all helped a bit but it wasn’t quite enough. I regularly checked the charity shops for anything I needed and reduced my spend ln Amazon as it was getting a bit expensive. The months went by and I was thinking of going away somewhere again. There was things going on with charity groups knocking on the door and there was still things getting thrown in my garden. Sometimes I’d clear it up other times I’d leave it ages but I usually only cleared up what was inside my garden and not the mess on the street. I hadn’t been feeling well but hadn’t got to the doctors yet. I didn’t want to take antibiotics all the time but sometimes when I got away from Britain it helped. I decided to travel through to Dublin one day and see what happened. I got through there and wandered about the shops. I got myself a vitamin water and bought a pub t-shirt for a fiver or something and some Irish slipper socks. I knew I still wasnt well so I might aswell just get myself some nice things. I felt happy with myself and went and sat on the bridge. I nearly had my head between my knees and knew I had to go home. I went to the bus station and got on the next bus back to Belfast. I was glad to get back in for now but when I got in it became apparent that someone had been in my house. There were shoe marks on my rug that didn’t belong to me. They were triangular and it looked like someone had stamped around. I swore I’d get myself healthy enough to leave. The lock on the door was slightly broken too and I had problems getting someone out to fix it although they did eventually send an old man who fixed the problem quickly. I sometimes kept my key in the door for this reason for extra security. I tried to make sure I got some fruit and vegetables at the food group. I did actually feel a bit better after going through to Dublin. It was a bit of a break but I kept having to go back to the doctors every few months. Sometimes I got some antibiotics for a few days. My weight kept dropping now and again. I just tried to eat as healthily as I could. I started swimming again, although it wasn’t the best pool. It actually helped keep my weight stable but it was expensive and I couldn’t always afford it. I wanted to go to Dungarvan again as the Greenway was nice and it had nice bits to camp but I couldn’t see myself waiting until the summer, so in April 2003 I made my 3rd attempt at leaving and went via Dublin to Dungarven. It wasn’t quite like the previous time as the weather was quite stormy and I put my tent beside the sports centre. There were a few really bad nights that I just bedded down. I had a radio so I remember listening to a Bruce Springsteen concert to get through it. The sun did come out one day though and I lit up a disposable bbq and had sausages. They were really good. When payday came around again I was so happy I got fish and chips and a half bottle of vodka and sat on the wall beside the sea. The next day I was packing up as I’d booked myself into a hostel in Kilkenny for the night. I needed something. It was a decent place and I was looking forward to getting some sleep. The guy from the sports centre asked me if I was alright. He had asked before but he said I could take a shower if I wanted so I freshened up a bit before heading to Kilkenny. He got me a cup of tea aswell, so I was a bit better for the journey there. I thanked him and left. I had to dump the tent as I was getting bitten taking it down. Kilkenny was a nice break and I got a decent bit of sleep before heading back to Belfast again. At least I’d tried again. I didn’t manage the Greenway as I wasnt well enough but at least I’d got some sea air in my lungs.