Living with Neurodivergence

I went back into my house through the back gate as I didn’t want to be seen. I had had to give up for now but that didn’t mean I had to act normal. I didn’t want to get back into my bed upstairs so I pulled my double mattress downstairs in front of the tv and just indulged in that for a couple of weeks anyway. The only problem was I couldn’t get it upstairs as easily as I could get it downstairs so it just had to remain there for a while. Gradually I had to start going out the front door again. Nobody really asked any questions. I just carried on as normal. Nothing had really changed though. Things were slightly more normal than during COVID. Social distancing measures had eased. I had previously been getting telephone calls from the job centre but they started asking me to come in so I had to go to them once in a while. I tried finding ways of meeting people in my area but I didn’t want to do the same things I’d done before. I lived quite far outside the town. There was one place I had got some food from and they had some classes and things going on but it was 2 buses away so it was no good. I just tried to make the best of things and focus on the things I could do like Amazon shops and there were some good charity shops in the area where I sometimes found something nice for my home. In may the following year my mum and dad were due to visit. I hadn’t been feeling well again. It was my stomach and another infection. I was prescribed 5 days antibiotics and I was well enough to have a drink when they came over. They stayed at a hotel in the city and I met them there for a drink then dinner and they came round to mine. I had made a pot of chilli and some cupcakes. They were there a couple of nights then flew home. It was okay for a while but I knew I needed to try something again soon. I couldn’t stay confined to that house in that area. I didn’t feel I had the same conditions as everyone else so I made another attempt going south in April. Again I started in Dublin staying in a hostel then onto Galway and stayed in a hostel there for a couple of nights then I had to spend a night sleeping out, although I didn’t get much sleep as there was a guy hassling me and I just kept moving around. The next day I had to move on so I went to Doolin. I had heard it was nice and there were some facilities and things to use so I gave it a try. I found a campsite after walking for ages and booked myself in for the night. I didn’t know what I was going to do afterwards but I had a tent so I could pitch that somewhere for free. The guy running it seemed okay at first. He allowed me to to use the kitchen as I was going to pitch my tent elsewhere so I just bedded down in the laundry area for the night as there was a couch. He didn’t come back or question it so I survived the night. The next day he made it clear I had to move on. All I wanted to do was use the facilities a bit like the toilet and the showers which had a few anyway but he was getting a bit hostile so I got what food was in the fridge that I’d left and moved on. I pitched my tent in a back garden of an abandoned house for a few nights. I slept a little but I got a bit scared and the wind there was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. One day I took a walk into the centre and then walked back. My tent had been attacked. It had been moved and had things lying out and dirt on it. I knew I had to move on. I got it all together as i might have been able to salvage something. I hid behind some little houses for a while. There was a fire burning for a while so it was quite warm but then that went off and it got really cold. I was shaking and I didn’t know what to do. There was another campsite down the road. It couldn’t be any worse than the other one so I went in. I knew there was toilets round the back as I’d been in to enquire about prices. I went in for some heat and ended up sleeping for a while. When I got up to leave the guy was there looking a bit worried. I told him my dilemma and that my tent had been destroyed It was all I could do and he said I could use the kitchen for the night. The next day he gave me some tokens for the washing machine and he let me bed down in the kitchen for a couple of nights. He gave me a mat and some covers. It wasn’t exactly comfortable but it was warm enough and I got some sleep. He said I could use it till it got busy and then he said he didn’t mind if I pitched the tent in a space at the back. I did that for a few nights but the wind was mad and I thought my tent was going to be blown away. I had it tied to a tree. I had to just go inside to the kitchen and bed down. Eventually I had to resign myself to the fact I had to go back again. So, again I went back to normality after thanking the guy for his help. I got the bus back to Galway then Dublin then Belfast. I needed new shoes as the ones I had got ruined so that’s what I got when I got paid and I also invested in a decent tent from Amazon. I was quite skint after that so I went to an emergency food bank in my area. I didn’t like usíng them but I didn’t have much choice. It was okay though and they gave me a cup of tea and a couple of bags of food and some bread and things. They told me of some regular food banks but I wasn’t able to find them as Belfast is so big.  That helped for a while though and I just went back to normality again for a while until I could plan my next move.