In December 2018 I moved into what was called a bed and breakfast accomodation for the homeless but I was shocked by what it looked like from outside. There was a boarded up window and it didn’t look anything like what I was expecting but I knocked and a Chinese man answered. There were police there at the time and I must have looked stressed out or something because he kept assuring me I was safe there. He showed me the room which looked better than the outside. He showed me the kitchen facilities and the bathroom. There were about 5 rooms altogether and it looked quite cosy inside as he had a Christmas tree up. I got to know a couple of people in there as it was such a small space but didn’t really want to get that close. it was mostly boys and one girl who was living with her boyfriend. I settled in but there were some problems with other residents with noise and cleaning. The guy would come into clean but the girl next door wanted it spotless and was constantly hoovering. I had to get out sometimes so I would go for walks around the racecourse as I had done a decent walk sometimes in Dunbar and didn’t want to put on more weight. I would sometimes use the pool too. The place was okay but I would jam a doorstop in the door at night because I wasn’t sure who could get in and I noticed some things missing from my room. Also the kitchen area could get quite disgusting. I would give it a clean sometimes and always cleared up after myself but I wasn’t there to clear up after guys. I had been to my younger cousin’s 21st a while back while in Dunbar and my cousin who I lived with had asked me to visit her in Peterhead. I wasn’t sure this was a good idea because of my situation but I agreed thinking it might help. I got a voucher for taking part in an interview about homeless experiences. I got a bottle of wine and took it through to my cousin’s as a present. We had a good time at first but she started questioning me about being homeless and things and we fell out a bit. I came home slightly earlier than planned.
I started looking into other options as I didn’t quite trust some of the people in there or the guy running it. He never really had a go at me but I seen him getting angry over other residents. I was looking at live in jobs and had a couple of video/telephone interviews. One I didn’t get but the other I did. It was in the isle of Harris working over the summer. I wasn’t getting anywhere there so I decided to give it a go. He paid the fares and I got on a Logan air flight to Stornaway. I stayed in a hotel in Edinburgh the night before. I had just snuck out of the place. The evening before my flight I was just on Tesco buying some new clothes and food when my dad started calling me. I didn’t answer because I was in Tesco. Next thing I knew I had voice messages calling me selfish and ungrateful and I could at least have the decency to call them. It was something I had heard over and over again before for different reasons but for some reason I wasn’t expecting it. I had told them my plans so it wasn’t like I was just disappearing or anything. I phoned to speak to him but the whole thing upset me.
Anyway, I left the next day and got a flight to Stornaway. It was a really nice journey and I was getting picked up by one of the seasonal staff. I didn’t know him but I just had to trust him as I didn’t have any other way of getting there. He seemed nice and we chatted over the journey. He let me stock up on food at the local Tesco. I got as much as I could but had a bad feeling about how isolated it was going to be. I got there and met the guy and some staff. Everything seemed okay. I was shown where I would be living and it was a lovely cottage with plenty of room. I had first pick of the bedrooms. I started work. It was hard work as the guy wanted everything perfect and I’m not really a perfectionist but I tried to do it the way he wanted. One of the girls had been there a while and I could tell she might have had a problem. A few days later a German girl moved in. She was a bit strange but I was glad of the company as it felt a bit eerie sometimes. There was a makeshift bar for staff and games and things for our time off. There was a trust box for the shop but it was minimal what was sold. We all had quite a nice time in the bar some nights but I was working all the time and was starting to feel exhausted. The German girl got sacked after a couple of weeks and a couple got moved in. The guy went crazy at me for the mess in the house but I didn’t feel like I could work that many hours and keep the house clean. It was too much. I went back and cleaned it but I wasn’t sure I trusted them. I lasted another week or so before he let me go. I got quite a bit in tips and he paid me what I was due and got me the ferry to the mainland where I made my way to Inverness. I booked myself into a hostel for a couple of nights. I had a couple of cans the first night and was talking to a guy a bit but I started feeling unwell when I went to bed. I thought I had a stomach bug but when I woke up I felt terrible. There was a nagging pain in my side. I had to book myself in somewhere private for a night. I found somewhere but it was 50 pounds for a tiny bedroom. It was an Asian guy running it but I was just relieved he allowed me to stay as I clearly looked sick. I was vomiting all night and sometimes didn’t make it to the toilet. I had a pain in my side that I knew wasn’t right. It was getting worse so at about 5 in the morning I decided to phone an ambulance. I’d never phoned one before and thought I’d get one but the paramedic told me he couldn’t come. It was almost like he knew me and thought I’d be okay with that. Okay I wasn’t dying but I was quite sick and didn’t know how to get to the hospital. I tried to get some sleep and woke the next day. I still felt awful but I’d stopped being sick. I got out of there and decided I couldn’t handle the hospital so just got the bus to fort William where my family stay near. The journey to fort William was okay but the bus onwards I started feeling more Ill and by the time I arrived I barely felt I could walk up the road. I somehow managed and got into the bath for 5 minutes. I just felt it would help them got into bed and fell asleep. Next thing I remember was my dad’s voice telling me he was going to work. Suddenly my stomach started cramping and I was screaming for someone to call me an ambulance. It took a few minutes to persuade him and I said id get to the phone myself, but he did. They told me to phone NHS 24 and they asked me about my pain levels etc. well I was doubled over and couldn’t stand up but I was still alive. The next few weeks I spent in bed, barely eating anything. I got diagnosed with diverticulitis and given a course of antibiotics. I also had a scan as it wasn’t improving right away. I spent the next 3 months there, which was the longest I’d spent there since my early twenties. Luckily I got a bit better and found some local work, which helped me move on again.
Living with Neurodivergence 