Living with Neurodivergence

Over the next 5 weeks I just settled in to my new accomodation. It was small but nice. There was 2 big windows in the sitting area so it let a lot of light in. It was just as well because it was completely unfurnished and I had to start from scratch ordering second hand carpets and furniture. All I had for a few weeks was an airbed on the floor. It was okay, I just laid quite low for a few weeks, just going out to get used to the area. There was a cooker there and I had things like a microwave and kettle. There were some initial problems with sorting out the rent payment. It got paid eventually but they didn’t backdate it all so I was running a bit behind from the beginning. I had decided that because I had moved to an area where I didn’t know anyone I would have to do some things. I found the library and had a look if there was anything going on but I couldn’t find anything. There were a few local pubs that didn’t look too intimidating like the ones in the town so I decided I would go in one night and they advertised live music so I knew it would be good. I waited till I had been there about 5 weeks till I had my rent sorted as much as it could be and then I walked into the closest one to my house. I had quite a nice night and met a few people including one of the local guys. We became friends over time and sometimes went out together. I invited my friend from the town out one night. She wasn’t happy at me moving that far out but I knew she just wasn’t happy at the type of place it was as she made comments as soon as she arrived at how long the bus took and when we went into the local coop  she made comments about how it was all confectionary as if to say it wasn’t a proper shop. Things only got worse when we went out. She started off okay but as the night went on she started making some comments about what I was wearing. I had burgandy leggings on and she made a comment about people being embarrassed by what I was wearing. They were only leggings. If they weren’t flattering because of my weight she could have said. I had put on a bit of weight again since my holidays but I wasn’t as heavy as I was when I broke my ankle and she had always said I looked fine and there was nothing wrong with me when I mentioned weight or clothes. She also said things to do with school which I didn’t know how she could have known and that I was making things worse for myself, I assumed she meant by coming out to Dunbar. She said it all in front of some older women just out for a drink who I had been talking to a bit. I realized she was only there to cause trouble but I had the rest of the night to put up with her. Someone asked her if she liked me but she said I wasn’t her type and she liked dynamic people. I laughed because she wasn’t mine either. She went to the door to leave but I was still having a drink so I stood 10 minutes to drink it until someone said I should probably go with her just now, so I did. We went back to my flat and I told her she could have the couch. She said she wasn’t sleeping on the couch and got into the bed with me. I don’t mind sharing sometimes but I seen this as an invasion of my space especially because of what she had been like. The next day she went home and I never seen her again

Over the next few weeks she kept contacting me and leaving me voice messages. I never answered them because she had humiliated me where I was living and I couldn’t forgive her. I got fed up of her bombarding me so I answered one call and stupidly put her on the phone to someone in the pub. I wished I hadn’t as he was clearly bothered by her but I just stood my ground and didn’t speak to her again. Over time I met some other people, sometimes in the library and sometimes in the pub. I would go out with them and I even got a job working behind the bar in one of the local pubs. I think I lasted a couple of months but it got too busy for me and I couldn’t handle that much multitasking and people being rude sometimes and taking advantage when you gave them a chance. I made a bit of money though and sometimes got some tips so that helped. I was just receiving universal credit now so things were a bit tight. My family now lived on one of the hebridean islands so I sometimes visited them every few months if I was struggling with money. I usually only stayed a few days as things could get tense if I stayed much longer. I spent my 33rd birthday there and went out with the guy for a few drinks. He paid for some of them. There was also an annual lifeboat day as it was a coastal town so I usually went along to that with people I met. I gradually got things for my flat, most of them were secondhand but I was getting it together. There was sometimes some people that came into some of the pubs to cause trouble. I seen some of it but there was one occasion where I was told a woman and a guy were there and said they knew me. I think I had an idea who it was but I couldn’t believe they would come into the pub next to me. I avoided it for a while but I did go out again .

When I had been there about 2 years I got some work in the local masonic club. one of the girls I met there did functions such as a country and western night and some weddings and baby showers and things but she didn’t want to do them all herself. She asked me to come and meet the woman, who was really nice and gave me some work. I did a wedding function with my friend. We had quite a good time and got cash in hand for it. We also had some drinks on shift. I got more work over time, although it wasn’t full time some of the events were quite fun such as the country and western night. I had never done anything like it before but it was friendly and relaxed and I never had to shout at anyone. There was also a darts night that I did which was a slightly longer shift and my feet were always sore but I got asked to join in sometimes so I played darts for a while. I usually hot the board so I didn’t think I was that bad. It started going wrong when my universal credit stopped for me failing to go in for an appointment. I just relied on the masonic club for a while. Sometimes I would get a bit of extra cash for the meetings as a thank you, which helped.

I sometimes went out with the girls I had met and I went over to their houses sometimes for drinks before we went out. One night after a few drinks at one of the pubs someone suggested a party, she had a better house so I tried to get them to go to hers but she said she would get the alcohol and go to mine. I couldn’t refuse so they all came to mine. I just had music playing on the tv set. It was fine at first but things started getting out of hand and one of the girls was looking in my cupboards for something and asked about a tub of flour I had there as if it was something suspicious. I assured her it was just flour but she had kicked a wedge in one of the units looking for something that she thought I had. I didn’t know if it was funny or not but I knew I needed to get rid of them at some point. It got to about 3 or 4 in the morning and they were getting worse. My friend told me I had to get rid of them. I could only think of one way so I pulled the plug on the music. The looks I got said it all but I told them the party was over and they had to leave. They did but one of the guys did an intimidating gesture as he left. I knew I wouldn’t see them again. I occasionally still seen some of the girls there but I didn’t have any more parties and over time they stopped asking me out and I became more and more isolated.I still seen the guy occasionally but it was the work at the masonic club that  kept me going and I looked forward to going in as I would usually get some food as well.

It came to a head in the summer of 2018. I was getting letters about rent arrears and realized it wasn’t going to last much longer. I had been there nearly 4 years. I just hoped they would find me a bed and breakfast close by as I had got used to the area. It was a lot less polluted than the city. I had found some work. Knew some people and even managed to lose 16 pounds by joining a slimming group. It was December I eventually got put out. They sent me a letter saying they were coming and I got most of my stuff out and hung about over the street to watch and see if it would really happen. It did and I had to go to the council again, which was based at the library. I had to sit for hours and I knew the librarian from the country and western night so it was a little bit  awkward but she was nice about it and I got sent to a hotel up the road for 5 nights. I had another night with the darts group and they gave me some food to take back to the hotel. I got upset that night as i realized I was going to have to move yet again and I knew they wouldn’t let me live in Dunbar. I was right, when I got sent to the council they gave me a choice between Haddington or Musselburgh. They wouldn’t hear it that I had a job i enjoyed and wanted to stay in dunbar.If I chose Musselburgh I would get in right away or if I chose Haddington I would have to wait till Monday. I had no one I could realistically stay with. They all had problems so I chose Musselburgh. I knew it so I moved into a place there for 6 months.