Living with Neurodivergence

Over the next few weeks I stayed with a family friend in Edinburgh, she stayed quite central so it was easy to get about. I was only supposed to be there a few days but she said she didn’t mind me staying there a while. I felt a bit deflated from the high of being over in America, I wouldn’t say depressed but I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I knew I had to phone work and get started again but I knew I’d missed things and I might feel out of place. I normally just met up with my friend once or twice a year for things like outdoor festivals in the park or to see fireworks but sometimes I stayed over. We just bought our own food and drink. She suggested I should go and see the council though. I didn’t mind going on my own but she said she would come with me. I made an appointment and we went in together. The woman asked me some questions about where I had been staying and where I’d been the last few months etc. I had tried the council before when I was younger but they tried to offer me a highrise flat so I refused. My friend said I could stay a while but that it wasn’t practical for me to stay forever. She knew but she still said I wasn’t priority because I was staying with someone. It was a waste of time. I realized I was just going to have to come up with something myself so I searched the paper and internet and found 2 properties I might be interested in both close to each other. One was just a bedsit, so that wasn’t ideal and the other was a small flat. I went to see them both and decided the flat was better even though it was slightly more I knew I’d probably get depressed living in a bedsit again and I couldn’t do a shared flat again because of all the problems I’d had before so it was my only option. I met with the letting agent, who I didn’t really like that much. She seemed really moody and not that friendly but I knew she was just dealing with the paperwork etc. I signed it and got the keys and she helped me move in as some of my things had been stored at hers. At first it was okay but I felt something wrong with it like something to do with someone staying there before. There was a guy upstairs. He looked homeless and kept coming down and asking if I had a bit of sugar or some milk. At first I gave him some but then it got annoying so I didn’t answer my door. I felt a bit depressed partly as a result of coming back from America but there was something with the area too. It wasn’t far from where I shared a flat with my cousin and it was beside the shore but it didn’t feel right. I went back to work. It was a bit strange at first and there were some new staff I didn’t know. I got back into it though and started getting some regular shifts at the learning disability centre which was like working in a home. It was more relaxed and they gave me some overtime. During this time I was asked to be a bridesmaid for my cousin’s wedding so I went up north for that. I invited my friend that I stayed with for a while as a +1 because she knew my cousin so we travelled up together and stayed in a hotel. It was a good few days and I went back feeling better. I had joined a socializing group online as I had lost contact with a lot of people and went out a few times to meet people for drinks. One of the friends I met in America wanted to visit Edinburgh, so I said she could stay with me for a few days. We had a nice time as the weather was good and we sat about the gardens and went to see a film and went out for drinks. I also applied to do children’s nursing during this time, I knew I’d tried working with kids before but I thought if it was in the nursing area it might be different so I went for an interview which lasted hours as there was a lot of waiting about. I’d given them a couple of references and when they came back to talk to me I could tell I wasn’t getting on the course. I didn’t know who they had spoken to but I was really upset and went home and pigged out. I applied again to do general nursing, although I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to. It was an access course and I wasn’t sure I should be having to do it when I already had a degree. They said id have to do a numeracy qualification as there were some figures in it. I arranged that through the local college to start in september. I didn’t mind improving that but I wasn’t sure I wanted to go backwards with the course. I was there about a year when someone I knew from work sent me a message. We were just talking online and I told her I didn’t really like my flat. She said her sister had a flat in musselburgh just outside Edinburgh. I knew it well and it was a nice area. I seen it as a chance to get out of Edinburgh, although not far it was a seaside town and everything was quite compact. Edinburgh was depressing me so I arranged a viewing and went to see it. It was quite a bit bigger but much nicer. I think it was slightly more expensive but I agreed to take it as it was nice that there was a connection there between me and someone from work. When I informed the woman from the letting agency she was fine at first but then she tried to phone me and asked if I’d stay if the rent was slightly cheaper. I said id already arranged to take the flat so she said that was fine. This rang alarm bells as I had never had someone try to get me to stay in a flat before. I knew there was something funny going on. I had no-one to help me move this time so I had to ask my dad. He quite often made a thing about it but he helped move most of the stuff and I had to go back and clear the rest. I got as much of it as I could but I wasn’t quite on form so I did leave a bit of mess. I felt the flat wasn’t right in the first place so why should I go out of my way to leave it like that. I just wanted out! Next thing I knew I heard she had said it was the worst mess she had seen in her life. I don’t know what kind of messes she had seen in her life but that was far from it. I moved on from there and put Edinburgh behind me for good.