Living with Neurodivergence

The second year of my course got a bit more stressful. I had a part time job at a call centres which was near where I lived. I had to do a lot of group work with people I didn’t necessarily get along with and it was difficult organizing with them when and where to meet and who was going to do what and public speaking terrified me as I had some anxiety with it and it felt like some of my classmates had more experience of it than me. Also looking up references for essays took forever as I was constantly having to take breaks and re- read bits. My computer skills weren’t quite what they were supposed to be either so writing up essays took a bit longer and I occasionally had to ask for an extension to get it in but I didn’t want to look like I couldn’t handle it and prove my dad right so I tried not to need one, which sometimes meant cancelling shifts at work. I was constantly juggling work and studying.  I also did some volunteer befriending with special needs and people with mental health issues as we were told it would help afterwords with finding work. I just tried fitting it in when I could. I started having some problems sleeping in the room I was in and although the guy we lived with wasn’t really predatory he did make a comment about us being alone in the flat together. I started to feel nervous about going out alone at night or walking through park areas alone. I did some training for the volunteering I did and they handed us out personal protection alarms in case we had to go about at night. I wasn’t really worried when volunteering but I did take it with me to and from work as I had to walk across an area of grass that was known for some trouble and I know someone seen me fitting it in my pocket. I felt stupid but at the same time I didn’t want to be attacked on my own. My cousin was studying as well so it worked out ok but there was still some issues with cleaning and there were some fall outs and things. I had been asked by a girl on my course to move into a spare room but I decided it was a bit too expensive for me. She knew some people on the course that were more on my wavelength but I didn’t want to start something that I wasn’t sure I could keep up with so I declined and stayed where I was. I got through the rest of the year, I sometimes had to have a drink to help with the nerves of presentations and wouldn’t be able to sleep the nights before. Luckily the job I had was flexible and I could just book shifts a week in advance and I sometimes went out to my mum and dads and worked some hours in the hotel they were running out in the countryside as I didn’t want to run up too many debts with student loans etc. I was starting to wonder about the third year as two years got you a qualification and i might have been able to get a job but i wasn’t convinced and I had already put in so much hard work and didn’t want to give up so I kept going. Again, I managed to pass the whole year. I felt proud of myself for keeping going amongst everything going on but felt worried about the next stage as I was starting to struggle already and wasn’t sure what lay ahead.